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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing, regarding your delivery.

It seems to be rather… faulty.

The face is chipped, the legs quite wobbly.

And when I finally found the instruction book,

it took years to decipher the gobbledygook!

You know, it lost two children, quite early on

I should have known, something was wrong.

But being too busy then, to send it back

I fudged it and plastered over the cracks,

with copious amounts of mulberry wine

and a good glob of expensive time.

The adverts promised Santa Claus          

but all I got was menopause!

Surely this was sent in error,

I had expected youth to last much longer!

And when I found the life-time guarantee

there was no clause, for catastrophe.

My husband tried to fix it too

with wrapping paper and lots of glue.

But all his work cracked and split

when our only child left way too quick.

Now it rattles around our empty home

like a faulty, antique metronome.

20 06 20